11 Comments
User's avatar
Cari Wade Gervin's avatar

<3 <3 <3 I feel a lot of this so hard. I hope the new med tweaks help. <3

Expand full comment
Jacqui Shine's avatar

next stop after this is an MAOI wheeeeeeeeeeee

Expand full comment
Cari Wade Gervin's avatar

Oh no no hard cheese!!!!

Expand full comment
Sascha's avatar

Brain as a "dopamine sinkhole," yes exactly.

There was a time when I got really excited about the possibilities of ketamine, MDMA, and psilocybin for mood after the initial round of promising studies (particularly the one with terminal cancer patients) but I tried all of them recreationally (with care as to dose, set, setting) and was underwhelmed if not worse in mood afterwards. Then more studies came out indicating that the earlier data was flawed. This was devastating because I had pinned so much hope on trying something other than traditional psych meds/talk therapy.

Expand full comment
Jacqui Shine's avatar

yeah, ketamine sometimes works but it's a crapshoot whether any treatment will produce a change & i can't hack what makes it work. it's really frustrating.

Expand full comment
Hannah Lees's avatar

The grey-ification of everything is so real - I always felt there was a grey pall cast over my vision, but to read that the eyes, themselves, also turn grey..! I believe it! Sending solidarity in this very different kind of life (lost but not wasted, I like that) x

Expand full comment
Dale Everett's avatar

Have you read “The Noonday Demon” by Andrew Sullivan? Excellent non-fiction book on depression

Expand full comment
Tim R's avatar

First off, I love you. And I love your writing (obvi). And I miss you.

Secondly, I was going through a box of my old stuff stashed in my sister's attic last weekend and found a "Mystery Spot" bumper sticker and was remembering our grad school roadtrip adventure to Santa Cruz. The sticker is yours if you want it, by the by.

Lastly, #whiteladyshamans ! Is there any efficacious treatment to be rid of them?

Expand full comment
Isabel Kaplan's avatar

“In depressive episodes, time is so long, and I also wake up to find that months have passed” is a painfully accurate description. Sending positive thoughts your way.

Expand full comment
Allison Malstead's avatar

Long-time (mostly Nardil) MAOI-user here, albeit with variable response. If you do go there, you might want to check out PsychoTropical Research, run by an Australian doctor named Ken Gillman.

Expand full comment
Jacqui Shine's avatar

this is INCREDIBLY helpful, thank you!

Expand full comment