well, actually

Share this post

A bissel mer cancer!

wellactually.substack.com
a bissel cancer

A bissel mer cancer!

My bullshit: Now 10% more cancery!

Jacqui Shine
Mar 15, 2023
19
3
Share
Share this post

A bissel mer cancer!

wellactually.substack.com

Hi, hello. In great news, I now have thyroid cancer! “Now” is relative, of course; it’s possible I’ve had a tumor on my thyroid for years. But it was discovered on a screening ultrasound in the fall. It is probably genetic. It’s not a breast cancer recurrence, but its own little clump of renegade cells. It could be worse! I am having surgery next month and in theory that’s it. (I am keeping part of my thyroid so no replacement synthetic thyroid hormone needed.)

How I feel about it is tired, mostly. I could have had the same surgeon who did my mastectomy do it, but he told me I was a lot fatter than he remembered at an appointment about a month after surgery, so I am no longer interested in working with him. I am seeing someone at a different hospital system for this.

well, actually is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

The anniversary of my mom’s death is at the end of March. (I’ve written about it before.) She had breast cancer and maybe thyroid cancer—she lied a lot (which I have also written about before), and she has told my older siblings and me different things. I don’t know if that’s why I’m sadder this year than I have been in the last few. But I’m tired and sad.

I found something I wrote about her ten years ago, a kind of obituary. Here it is.

No photo description available.

This is a photo of my mother, Suzanne Ingrid Tyler Shine (4/10/1945-3/26/2007). She was named after Ingrid Bergman. She was also Suzanne Becker, Suzanne Serovy, and Suzanne Harmon. (Also she was married to a gangster for a while, but I don't know that dude's name.) She died of an aortic dissection in the late afternoon on March 26, 2007. She was a breast cancer survivor.

She had five children between 1961 and 1984. Her oldest child was born when she was 16 years old, and she received a high school equivalency diploma. She attended Goucher College in Baltimore for two years while raising her two oldest children. As a child she wanted to be an Egyptologist; as a young woman in college she wanted to be an urban planner. At 59 she returned to school to become a licensed practical nurse. She was as tough as nails.

She worked in a General Motors factory and she owned an apple orchard, a furniture-refinishing business, and a pet care business. When she died she was working as a nurse. Three of her children have college degrees. Two of us work as historians. One of us has been to prison; one of us was not in touch with anyone in our family in over fifteen years; two of us have had breast cancer and thyroid cancer.

She was the smartest lady I knew, and the meanest. She loved us all very much. She abused us and, in bringing a succession of drug-addicted, troubled, violent men into our lives, let us be abused. She once told me she thought I was living a marginal life. She hated my body and my sexuality. She said I was the most compassionate and empathetic person in our family and sometimes didn't understand how she ended up with a child like me. Once she told me, "Never trust a man with two first names." She could make me laugh very hard. On the night before my 17th birthday, she threw things at me for an hour.

She loved: New Orleans, Steely Dan, Tastycakes (once she wanted to buy a Tastycake delivery route franchise?), Lawrence Durrell, smoking, Hercule Poirot and Miss Marple, The Sopranos, a good Tom Collins, MG convertibles, and SCTV. She really liked reality shows.

Every day of her life was hard. Sometimes that's what she chose for herself. Every day I try to choose differently for myself. I miss her all the time.

well, actually is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

19
3
Share
Share this post

A bissel mer cancer!

wellactually.substack.com
3 Comments
Christen Clifford
Mar 15Liked by Jacqui Shine

Oh my dearest! No! No more cancer. Cancer be gone! I love your writing.

Expand full comment
Reply
Sari Botton
Writes Oldster Magazine
Mar 15

<3

Expand full comment
Reply
1 more comment…
Top
New
Community

No posts

Ready for more?

© 2023 Dad Joke, LLC
Privacy ∙ Terms ∙ Collection notice
Start WritingGet the app
Substack is the home for great writing